There was supposed to be a second celebration in my life this week. - Aside from getting this blog up and running, we were due to be connected to broadband.

For us who inhabit the remoter outreaches of rural Ireland the 'broadband issue' is a subject of endless rumour and speculation, not to mention frustration.
Have you got it? - how did you get it? - who's your provider? - is it as fast as was promised? - what's it costing you? - how much was the start-up cost? - it's coming next month! - from whom? - and on and on and on....

So it was with glee that I stopped and took down the particulars from a huge banner from 3 that appeared on a gate into a field just up the road from me. Phone this number, it enjoined, and get connected to this government-backed broadband roll-out scheme... I would make that call (try to stop me), I told my friends, excitement filled the valley.

I called the number and I talked with Ronald (or was it Rowland) who had an accent from India and I guessed I was chatting to him in Mumbai.
He was brilliant; he conveyed the message with conviction and clarity; he looked at my house on his screen; he told me it had thick walls and that I would need a booster; he told me it would be free because Eamonn Ryan had tod him that he MUST provide me with broadband. He took my money; he gave me dates; he supercharged my excitement and expectations.

The gismo arrived on the day Ronald (I'll settle on Ronald) said it would; the call from the man with the booster came on time; the man with the booster arrived on the day (Tuesday) he said he would; the booster was unpacked, positioned and plugged-in.................. nothing - no signal to boost.
The man with the booster, Chris, rang 3, 'no, there is no signal in that area' he was told. (Forgive me the pun, but there seemed to me to be something of a disconnect here!).
So Chris unplugged, repacked and departed with the booster telling me that 3 would be in touch with me by the end of the week.

Today's Friday and I'm still waiting to hear from them. (I know what's wrong here - Ronald is no longer in charge of the matter and he forgot to give me his number in Mumbai)

You won't remember me but we have met on a couple of occasions, minister, and I found you to be most charming and a man of not a little courage. Our meetings were at Leviathan - that brilliant political cabaret that is the brainchild of my brilliant son, Naoise - and you went before the, betimes, hostile audience, parried with Mr McWilliams and defended the indefensible with agility - the subject, on one of the occasions if you remember, was The Banks!

I really did believe all that Ronald told me (and with good reason because everything that he told me would happpen, happened and I do understand that, being in Mumbai, he is just that bit too far away to drop by and, personally, erect a mast for me so as to fulfill your promise, minister).

And, minister, I really, really want to believe you too when you tell me and the nation, again and again, that everybody - even in the romoter outreaches of rural Ireland - will have broadband.

So, dear minister, please help me out of my despond, and, by way of a suggestion, if Ronald seeks a permit to work in your department, give it to him as I'm sure he would fathom a means of fulfilling all your promises...

(By the way, the 3 banner has gone.... maybe Ronald figured that, for me to have to see it every time I drive to town, it would be rubbing salt into the wound of my disappointment...)

And I promise to get back to furniture next post....